today we met with a woman to talk about my mom's estate. at the end of our meeting she looks at us and says something to the affect of offering her condolences.
'you both seem sad' she says, not feeling sorry for us or bothered by this, but like she gets it. i don't think we are seeming especially sad, we are just trying to take care of business. but, we are very sad.
'it makes me teary eyed, she says', ' i went through this myself, it's been 25 years...' she gets up from her desk, goes and gets a tissue, it's subtle but she is crying.
' i lost my father, i was 19. it gets easier with time she says' i'm thinking how its been 25 years and just the sight of us dealing with this is making her cry, and wonder how i will feel in 25 years. 'don't mind me' she says dabbing her eyes 'i'm just emotional' or something like this.
i say something about how it's a universal experience--meaning my loss and her loss are intrisically connected, and it makes sense to me that one would trigger the other.
my stepdad says how he doesn't want things to change with time---what he means is he doesn't want to forget the time with my mom, he doesn't want her to get further and further from his mind and i relate to this.
i've been thinking of this. how at my friend's mom's funeral i cried when the best friend read a bible quote and got choked up at the end. and when my friend's sister broke down during the eulogy, it caused me to cry even more. and on a certain level i'm not sure who i am crying for---her loss, her sad heart, or my own. i feel like it all comes from the same place---our joy, our sadness, it all comes from and meets up somewhere and we are never alone in it.
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