matching tattoos

i was putting a blanket on her and she scrunched up her forehead and asked
"did we already talk about tattoos?"
"tattoos?" i asked.

mom-i want to make an appt with carla to touch up my tattoo

q-ok...

mom-and i might want to get another one

q-another one? really? what of?

mom-one like your mom tattoo with the birds and the banner

q-will it say 'mom' as well?

mom-no, it would have your name

q-my name?

i actually already sort of knew about this cause i saw one of her late night notes to herself written in orange sharpie sitting on a table yesterday that mentioned tattoo ideas and it had my name near it and i thought to myself "she isnt thinking to get MY name tattooed on her shoulder is she? that would be nuts"

q-it would say "q?"

i guess i was thinking "adrian" ...what do you think?

"q" is less letters, it would hurt less

arline, my mom's mother, is sitting at the table nearby. she pipes in "maybe you should talk to your nurse first..."
yesterday the hospice nurse charlotte dug through drawers in our house to find special no-stick bandages and tape because she was afriad of how fragile my mom's skin is and she didn't want to redress her recent skin tear with the big band aid type thing she had. she was even afraid to remove the current dressing and went scavanging for some sort of adhesive remover we didn't have. in the meantime, my mom's dad who doesn't hear so well and didn't know what she was looking for, gently pulled it off.
but it is a little nuts to think my mom is too fragile for a regular band-aid but she wants to go get a brand new tattoo.

i add 'tattoo' to the board eric has started for her that's labeled "elaine's short term memory"
2 items down from where it says "memorial planning"
and i think, what does it mean that she is thinking about doing something so permanent to her skin? most recently her and eric have been talking about her memorial service and he recently found a place that does cremation and they've had discussions about that...do these things go together in her head? does she not realize the contradicion? does she not need to? it's confusing to say the least















i add it, i think how eric i'm sure would think it crazy to drive 2 and some hours to philly to get her tattoo touched up slightly and for her to get a brand new one at that

mom-i also want to get a maple rabbit

q-a maple rabbit? what do you mean?

mom-like your band

q- do you mean the word "maple rabbit" or a rabbit that looks like stuff we make???

mom-like you and molly

q-oh

i look at my elbow

q-this rabbit?

mom-mmm hmm

q-does that mean you are going to be part of the band?

mom-well i guess that part would be up to you

shes been so much funnier lately, playful, more relaxed. i wonder what it is that's allowing her to do so. i love it, i love her.
my ipod shuffle finds itself playing 2pacs "mama" on my way back to my house and i don't feel sad like i think i will, i feel really grateful today. for her and for any lightness she may be feeling, even if it's only for today.